Ada wrote:Jakez wrote:I don't ruminate on things I can't change, but it'll drive me crazy if I just give up without making an effort.
Give him the risky letter anyway. And then plenty of time alone to process it.
Well one of the things Im unsure about is whether I should play my hand this soon. On one side of things I have been getting some really good signals lately, and he's turning 18, so I think that this would be a good time for him (independence and all). However, I also wonder if the good signals are signs he's started to like me, and is still getting closer. I don't want to play my cards until I'm sure he's definitively interested, since he might not be willing to explore things without sufficient motivation too 
Ada wrote:You might as well put your cards on the table. From personal experience, I have been most disturbed by people "pretending" to be friends whilst having a deeper agenda. I'd rather people were upfront initially so I could say yes or no honestly. Being asked out and turning them down hasn't changed the friendship substantially. Discovering people are dishonest has resulted in them being removed from my life.
I don't know how'd I explain this or if I even could, to him, but when we spend time together, I'm not fantasizing about him or anything like that. I'm just relaxed and enjoying spending time with him and whatever we're doing at the time. Sure, I still think he's attractive, but it's not like I'm sitting there pretending to laugh while playing out some fantasy in my head.
That's why I'm so sure of my feelings for him, despite being young and inexperienced. They transcend just a single frame of a relationship, I could just be friends with him and still be happy. I'd be really happy to be closer, but it's not like I'm either dating him or gone. I just care about him as a person very much.
Ada wrote:All of the people I have dated have been more outgoing than me [because short of going to schizoidlovematch.com I couldn't find less.] Where they've had a strong group of existing friends and were willing to spend time with them as well as me, it's worked out OK. Or if they're happy to stay home and just do coupley things occasionally. Where they've been more traditional about "we're a couple and should go out to everything together" it's been miserable. Note- I've not had a relationship last longer than a few years, so "OK" is still relative.
Ok, I think I'm fine in that area. I really don't have any dating demands, I'd be just as happy watching a TV show at home with him as I would going out for dinner. I'm also fine with changing plans, I'm not a rigid planner type.
Ada wrote:I'm not schizoid but another thought based on SPD/Aspie traits. Asking someone to "hang out" is unspecific and potentially terrifying. If he says yes to such vagueness, there's a chance he might find himself at a loud salsa club or a comedy improv class. I'd recommend offering a concrete plan "I'd like to do something to celebrate your birthday. Perhaps we could go to X movie and then have dinner at Y restaurant? Or, if you want to do something different, that's fine too." And negotiate from there.
Interesting point. I'm fairy certain he knows me well enough now to know that we're pretty much the same when it comes to interests, so my idea of a date is probably compatible with his (i.e normal date: Grab some food and a movie, or just walk somewhere nice, special date: Take a bus to the city, grab some food and check out a nice cafe after walking around).
Also, the reason I was a little vague was I didn't want to dump a load of pressure on him to agree. If I had said "Here's what I'm thinking: We go grab some pizza, then take the bus up to the city where we'll walk around checking cool stores out then settling down at a cafe" when asking him out, I'd expect he'd be a little freaked thinking "Omg he planned a whole date out before I even agreed to it". Does this make sense?
Source: http://www.psychforums.com/schizoid-personality/topic102913-50.html
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